Sometimes when I write, I write prettier than I speak. So, I
will either start speaking more eloquently or try to be honest to my regular
voice. Probably the latter since I don’t have the luxury of editing my regular
conversation. Prime example, the use of “latter” in the last sentence. Blergh…
I’ve wanted to write a blog for a long time. Not because I
am any kind of authority on ANYTHING important, but because I have a deeply
rooted desire to love those within my physical (and technological) reach. I
have learned, however, (thanks Brene Brown. Look her up!) that the only way to
truly loving/living is through true vulnerability. Truth of self. This blog
will be hopefully help me in my path to vulnerability and hopefully inspire you
in yours.
I have an equally deep-rooted hate (strong word, but I mean
it) for the experience of loneliness and seclusion. And while “loneliness” does
address the actual physical absence of human interaction in someone’s life, I’d
like to address both the physically alone AND those who are lonely DESPITE the fact that they are
surrounded by people who love them. Emotional loneliness. Those who are scared of or
are fighting against their inner “ugly;” their shame. Those that are hiding a truth
they can never let anyone else know about or see. Those who feel belittled or
forgotten. Those who feel like they will never be enough… My heart aches for
you. It aches because I have been there and I have experienced its depth and
felt it’s choke. It is helplessness. It is hopelessness. It is loneliness.
Well, darn it! I want to be there with you and for you! In
some warped way I guess I hope my journey and my every-day struggle will help you feel
that there are others right beside you in the thick of it with you.
So… first piece of vulnerability you’ll get out me? I have
secrets…. Yep… I have shame. Surprise! Less now than I use to thank goodness
but I’m still working. Though I plan to sort through these demons here with
you, it may take some time and some courage to express them all. As I try my
very best to muster up some vulnerability, I will hopefully touch on some
things that maybe you’ve experienced, you’ve seen, or things you’ve never felt
before. Maybe some things that you disagree with and maybe some thoughts or
questions that are meant to stir the pot and get everyone thinking. I’d love to
hear your thoughts! I’m still developing my thoughts and opinions about the
world. Don’t think I’ll ever have anything set in stone. But I use the
experiences of those around me to shape my thoughts, my opinions and me. So
please share your experiences! Lets talk about it!
I LOVE debate. Ask my mother. :) I’ve learned however that unyielding opinions and closed minds serve no one.
Not even their owner. But Boy do I love a good CONSTRUCTIVE debate. Debate that
is headed down the path of understanding and compromise. Not name calling and
mud slinging. But debate full of compassion, understanding and, most importantly,
LISTENING! As many brains are better than one, many hearts are too.
I will most surely have some posts that are just, well… brain
vomit and of use to no one but me. Sorry. :/ But if you’ll indulge me a little on
this journey, I hope somewhere along the way that my experiences and thoughts
will help you feel less alone and more known and thereby loved, be it whatever
the distance between us. Whether you are family, a friend, or someone I have
yet had the pleasure of meeting, I just hope you feel love.
I didn’t do so hot with keeping it true to my voice. Sorry
bout dat. But here’s to this blog getting past just one post! :) pray for me. :)
